Wish I were better with words

I have been reading differnet blogs tonight and reading about Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which was Abby's condition. I read three stories of babies who survived through having a heart transplant or surgery. Two of them were diagnosed very early on, within 24 hours of birth. This was really hard for me to read, and the questions start to come. Why, why not my Abby? Why couldn't she have shown signs earlier, why couldn't we have seen this earlier? Looking back now, I can see what I thought was problems with her having a cleft palate was actually the heart defect. This is so hard, I know none of this questioning is going to bring her back, but still my heart asks why? I don't know why tonight I am crying more than I have in the past week for Abby? I miss her, I want to hold her, I wish she was here. It is hard to try to get back to life as normal, will life ever be normal again. Oh, how I need to know that the Lord is near right now, that he sees my tears, and to believe that He is crying with me. For He has never forsaken those who seek Him!

I wish I could explain better how I feel, maybe blogging will help.