I have been reading differnet blogs tonight and reading about Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which was Abby's condition. I read three stories of babies who survived through having a heart transplant or surgery. Two of them were diagnosed very early on, within 24 hours of birth. This was really hard for me to read, and the questions start to come. Why, why not my Abby? Why couldn't she have shown signs earlier, why couldn't we have seen this earlier? Looking back now, I can see what I thought was problems with her having a cleft palate was actually the heart defect. This is so hard, I know none of this questioning is going to bring her back, but still my heart asks why? I don't know why tonight I am crying more than I have in the past week for Abby? I miss her, I want to hold her, I wish she was here. It is hard to try to get back to life as normal, will life ever be normal again. Oh, how I need to know that the Lord is near right now, that he sees my tears, and to believe that He is crying with me. For He has never forsaken those who seek Him!
I wish I could explain better how I feel, maybe blogging will help.
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3 comments:
From a lurker, I found your blog from "Blogs with a Cause". I want to give some wondeful words of wisdom, but I have never felt your pain and won't pretend that I have, I truly understand all the questions you must have. My heart and prayers go out to you and anyone who has ever lost a child. My best friend since childhood lost her daughter to Luekemia at 9 years old just 9 months after my daughter was born. And this I do know is that you never forget, you always love and you develop a new normal.
May God send you the write messages to comfort you in whatever forms necessary.
I do think blogging is a great form of therapy. I think it is a new modern style of journaling and scrapbooking making it readily available for comments from family and friends...even complete strangers.
In His Love.
My sweet Becky!
The blog is beautiful and already using it to minister to others! Thank you Jesus!
Ps. 139:1-6
"Lord, you have examined me and know all about me. You know when I sit and when I get up. You know my thoughts before I think them. You know where I go and where I lie down. Lord, even before I say a word, you already know it. You area all around me - in front and in back - and have put your hand on me. Your knowledge is amazing to me; it is more than I can understand."
Ps. 6:9
"The Lord has heard my cry.."
May you feel Him today and hear Him today!
I love you!
Hello. My name is Heather and I found your blog through the blogs for a cause. I know the pain you are feeling. I lost a son when he was 2 weeks old in 2005. When I was reading your words, I felt your pain. I completely understand how you feel. It is so hard to trust in God when you see other people getting the miracleas and you didn't get the one you wanted. I still struggle with that, but I know I have to trust he had a plan and that as long as I continue to seek after him he will bring me blessings. The one thing that helps me and keeps me going is that I know that this earthy life is short and that the eternity I will spend with my son in my arms will be greater than any life we could have here on this earth. Feel free to contact me of you ever need to talk to someone that has been where you are. ward9701@bellsouth.net
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