Abby's Story

I know it is late, but I am going to attempt this. Why not go for two posts!

The first thing I remember is finding out I was pregnant with Abby. I surprised my husband by wrapping up the pregancy test and taking him to Los Molcaljetas restuarant. I gave it to him in the car, and he was surprised when he opened it and very happy. He and Kaylynn and I enjoyed a wonderful meal together, and He explained to Kaylynn that mommy was going to have a baby and that she was going to have a little sister.

When we went to the doctors office in December I found out I was further along than I thought, about 12 weeks along. I was excited about that, less time being pregnant! Everything seemed to be going well. I remember they wanted to do an extra ultrasound just to get another look at Abby's heart and her lips because they hadn't got pictures as good as they wanted them. The day I went in to the second ultrasound. Abby's heart was under my belly button but her growth and everything looked good and they thought that nothing was wrong. Little did we know that would be the very thing that was wrong.

Another thing I distinctly remember is a strange conversation one afternoon with Kaylynn. We were talking about something and out of the blue she says, Mommy you are going to have a supernatural baby. I wondered at what this might mean. I remember the many times we went to the doctors office and hearing her strong heartbeat. I loved hearing it, thinking everything was okay.

The time came for Abby to arrive. My water broke on June 2nd in the morning, but it was a small amount and they sent us back home. We have a picture of Kaylynn so excited waiting for her little sister to arrive. Perhaps I will post it sometime. We came back to the hospital again on June 3rd, around 3:30 am. My contractions were really strong and hurting. When they finally got us checked in the Labor room I was in immense pain. I couldn't wait to get an epidural, especially after the nurse told me that I was not progressing. It would be quite a few hours later before Abby was born.

Shortly after she was born and the nurse was checking her over we found out that Abby had a cleft palate. This was devastating to us, but felt it was something that could be handled, and we were given information about the amazing cleft palate team from Temple, Texas. We had to learn how to feed Abby with a special bottle for her cleft palate, and the Dr. Steiner and the other nurses were quite nervous at first because we were having trouble getting Abby to drink from her bottle, but she eventually caught on once we started using the special bottle. We took her home thinking all was well, so did the doctors.

The memories I have of Abby are how small she was, that I got to hold her close to my chest many times during the short nine days of her life, that Kaylynn and I got to give her a sponge bath together, how hairy and red her little body was. The one thing I wish we would've done is video taped her and I don't know why we didn't. Maybe it was because I was so busy trying to take care of her.

The day of Abby's death June 12th, 2008. I had gone to sleep while my husband had took the first shift and fed Abby and she was having a little bit of difficulty with taking her bottle. When I tried feeding her around midnight, she was having some difficulty. At her next feeding around 3:00 she would not take her bottle, and I suspected it had something to do with her cleft palate. We contemplated taking her to the emergency room, because I knew something was wrong. I called the Nurse Line, and they instructed us to make an appointment with our Dr. and take her in the morning to be seen. We waited for the appointment time anxiously and I called friends to pray for Abby and for us, having no idea at this time of what was about to come, that there could be anything else wrong with her wasn't even a thought in my mind. Once we saw the doctor she knew immediately that something was wrong. She listened to Abby's heart and I think that is when she knew and we started to know something was really wrong. The doctor nurse assistant picked up Abby and walked her to the emergency room. Kaylynn was still with us at this time. We called some close friends to come and pick her up so that we could focus on Abby. A flurry or doctors and nurses began to come in the room. At first Abby's vital signs were normal, but they rapidly began to go down. Her body they said was beginning to go into acidosis, which we had no idea what that meant. The Hours seemed like minutes. We were told that Abby was going to have to be life-flighted to Temple, TX. It took longer than usual because only a week before there had been an emergency helicopter that had crashed, and the loss of the pilots was still being mourned. However, an emergency still came and to fly our daughter to Temple, TX. Before they arrived, at one point we almost lost Abby, but they were able to revive her.

I cannot explain in adequate words what that was like, as Paul and I cried out to the Lord to save our little Abby and to help her to live. I thought she would make it if they could just get her to Temple. We were not able to fly with her so we had to rush home and pack a bag to go to Temple. We would find out later that Abby's heart had stopped again on the flight to Temple. We were on our way to the Hospital when the Dr. from Temple called, and told us what we did not want to hear, what no parent ever wants to here, that our precious little girl had died. I was in complete shock. I remember that Paul pulled on the side of the road. I ask the Dr. again, so that's it, she passed away. Then I handed the phone over to Paul, and I can remember little else as I cried out in anguish wishing I could escaped this moment, that somehow it wasn't true. Paul was very brave, and called family members on the way to the hospital. It seemed like no time at all and we were at the hospital.

We made it to the Pediatric Ward and were ushered to the room that Abby was in. There laid her body cold and lifeless, our baby girl. The one I had held in my arms only hours ago. I remember thinking that I wish our pastor was here. I can't tell you some of the comfort I felt when our pastor Butch and his son Garrett showed up out of nowhere (I believe this was one of God's small signs to us that He was there). He wept with us and prayed with us, and we prayed believing that God could still heal Abby, raise her from the dead.

Within 30 minutes some very close friends of ours showed up and had brought Kaylynn with them. We were able to tell Kaylynn that her sister had died and would not be coming back to us. I remember Kaylynn telling us not to cry, that it was okay, and that Abby was in heaven. Our friends prayed with us and wept with us and held Abby's body. This is something that I do not want to forget, these were God's blessings to us, that in our suffering we were not alone. We are still not alone.

Our friends and church family surrounded us so much during this time. Paul and I both felt so carried by the Lord and by our friends and church family through Abby's funeral. It was a wonderful funeral service, and Hilliard funeral home did such an excellent job in every way. Our church blessed us so much by giving financially by helping with the funeral and other expense as well because they knew this was such an unexpected death. The funeral was hard and yet there was a peace that we had at the same time. I will always remember the songs we played at her funeral, God moves in a mysterious way, and One Day.

So, that's part of the story of our little girl Abigail Hannah Schafer. It has been difficult now that people seemed to have moved on, but I think some of it is that I find it hard to reach out on some days when I am really struggling. But I need to reach out, to the Lord first and to others to receive healing. God has seemed somewhat distant these days, but I know some things he has spoken to me and I need to go back to them. In this darkness He is there, so seek Him. To see Christ as my brother who has gone before me and wants to help me through this, and to Follow Him.